You are only human

“You are only human”

My therapist said that to me last week.

“You have set yourself such a high standard that now it’s hard for you to admit that you have parts of you that make you vulnerable, and need to be looked after”

“You push yourself so hard, you give yourself no grace, and people look to you to keep it all together, because you refuse to admit you can’t carry it all alone”

“You are only human”

She’s right. But where do I go from that?

I don’t know how to be anything else but always strong, I don’t know how to be anything but always on. I don’t know how to look after myself, or to put me first.

I only know how to grin and bear, and carry on.

I kind of like being seen as always strong, never failing, always the one people can rely on, never letting the world break me.

But I am only human. I have almost broken many times, and picked myself up.

But I don’t want to feel constantly unsafe and covering my tracks in case someone realises that I am not actually as strong as they think I am.

I am only human, and I am bleeding, sore and tired.

I need to work out how to manage that.

I don’t know how yet. I am working on it.

 

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that’s what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human, yeah
I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that’s what you need
Be your everything
I can do it
I can do it
I’ll get through it
But I’m only human
(Words from Christina Perri 2014 Human)
Posted in Mental Health and tagged Anxiety, anxiety disorder, but I want to be ok, it's ok to not be ok, mental-health, therapy.

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