It’s my birthday, actually, it’s almost the end of my birthday. I am typing this as the kids go to bed. It’s the end of a long day.
I feel pretty ambivalent about my birthday, and have done for a number of years. To me, it’s just another day. Life has to be managed, kids fed, taken to school, homework done. activities attended. It’s nice to have some attention and be made a fuss of, and presents and cards are lovely, but it all seems to kind of blur into the daily hustle and bustle of motherhood, work, and life. I feel old, I feel like I look old, and I don’t mind celebrating with those closest to me, but I have, in the past couple of years asked for minimal fuss.
It’s been a weird day. People have been lovely, sending messages, I was spoiled by my family, despite my protests of wanting little or no gifts, and I was treated to cake at work this morning.
I also had to attend the memorial service of a good friend who died a month ago. Her loss hit me and people who loved her hard, and it seemed weird to be drinking champagne in her name, and talking about her, when she isn’t there any more, on my birthday. She was a big fan of parties and celebrating life, and I know she would be telling me off for downplaying my birthday and wanting no fuss.
Maybe it’s a self esteem thing, or maybe I am just getting old and and birthday’s are overrated? Is it horrible to not want fuss and bother?
My day has comprised of a funeral, fries and football. I went to work, I went to a funeral, I went out with my lovely family and ate fries, and then I came home and watched England loose their match against Belgium (thankfully they are not out of the World Cup just yet, I have a small boy who won’t cope at all if that happens, so I am glad it wasn’t on my birthday, to be honest, I am not sure I would have coped with his meltdown over that, today!) and now I am climbing into a hot bath, with a glass of wine, and I will sit a while and think about another year down…
It’s been bittersweet, and another birthday is done. Tomorrow is another day…
Ps the fries were GOOD. I always have mine with mayonnaise, ketchup is an abomination. It’s my birthday and I am allowed to say that! 🙂