This hit me, on Saturday morning, as I surfaced from under the water, in a splashpool, having just catapulted myself screaming, down a rather large slide, in the water park, at Butlins. (A weekend away, with the Brownies)
I have allowed myself to forget how to have fun, or circumstances in the past few months, probably the past couple of years , have brought me to a place, where sometimes, I am so tired and fighting an inner battle to keep it all together, that fun is the last thing on my mind, and when things do happen that I enjoy, they are tinged with other things. Worry about circumstances, long to do lists in my head for work, home and the blog, or just general life making me feel a bit blah and unable to embrace life and live it.
Don’t get me wrong, we do fun things, as a family, and we have moments of real joy and times we can treasure, but a lot of the time, they are buried under other things. Personally, I cannot remember the last time I felt pure joy and just laughed at life and enjoyed a real moment. This past Saturday, coming down a large water slide, screaming and laughing with my 7 year old, then giggling as we climbed the stairs to go again, was the first time in a LONG time that I have felt just free to be.
I love my family, I love my life, my job, my friends, and everything that I do and the people around me, but I have lost my “fun” streak. It’s a big part of me that’s missing and I want it back. Just because I am a somewhat tired, working mother of two children, with responsibilities and life to lead, does not mean that I cant find joy and fun in things. I need to get my zing back. I will be blogging later in the week, about how I have been feeling in the past few months, and how I am making some changes to my life, but for today, for now, I am determined to get my fun back. I want to laugh more, to just feel the old me. I am trying to find joy in every day, in simple things, small things, as well as bigger things. I am not talking about extremes, or sacrificing things for my own gain, simply laughing more, planning more fun things, both with my family and myself, being able to relax and be me, and maybe hurling myself down water slides is something I should do more often!
The lovely Cas of Mummy Never Sleeps, has a new linky. This blog post felt right for me to add to that. Go look and see what she has to say, and read what others are sharing.