Reality Rehab…

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I am delighted to be sharing about a fab new book called Reality Rehab, by Lisa Mary London. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, which kept me amused and entertained whilst I was recovering from my knee op, recently. 

Today we are sharing a little snippet from a day in the life of the main character in the book, to wet your appetite…

 A Day in the Life of Reality Rehab’s Gloria Grayson

Soap legend Gloria Grayson is a tabloid favourite once more, thanks to her upcoming appearance on TV’s Reality Rehab. 

After gaining a staggering six stones, Gloria (and her tubby dog, Baby-Girl), will enter the Reality Rehab house with five as yet unnamed celebrities, plus American superstar psychotherapist Dr Lucien Douglas.

Gloria (49), and her hefty hound will submit to a strict diet and exercise programme in hopes of regaining her Size 10 figure and reviving her flagging career. In an exclusive interview, the actress reveals a typical day in the life of a former sex symbol and her beloved pet pooch.

 

As mother to a highly strung pedigree Maltipoo, I rarely enjoy the luxury of a lie in.  I’m a divorcee, and every night Baby-Girl and I put on matching pyjamas and share my super kingsize sleigh bed.  Bless her tiny bed socks, she stretches out in the starfish position and takes up three quarters of the mattress.  I don’t mind, even her deafening snores are a comfort  in the wee small hours, and in Winter she’s like a furry – and occasionally flatulent – hot water bottle.

Baby-Girl was thrilled when I split with my ex-husband, hell-raising actor ‘Mad’ Tommy Mack, and she could take over his half of the duvet. I was pretty pleased myself – unlike him, she never rolls in drunk at 3am, or deposits strange women’s G-strings in the marital bed. 

Tommy and I split over his affair with a little known, dyed redhead actress.  When I was up North on the cobbles filming my soap role as sexy pub landlady Stella Love, my husband was sneaking that ginger moose in the back door!  I came home unexpectedly one night and caught them…  Well, let’s just say I didn’t believe his story about her choking on a panini and him doing the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Baby-Girl has a huge appetite and unfailingly gets me up early, at 11am, wanting her full English breakfast. It’s staggering how much sausage and bacon such a tiny creature can ingest, I honestly don’t know where she puts it!  That said, the vet recently told me she’s morbidly obese and I’m having to buy her doggy dresses a size bigger… Yesterday I had to put my foot in her back to zip up her Ra Ra skirt. Perhaps our strict Reality Rehab diet and exercise regimes are well timed!

I myself eat a light breakfast – maybe a small, six egg omelette with a modest filling of cheese, ham, corned beef, mushrooms, onion, tomato and black pudding.  Plus a couple of rounds of sourdough toast and perhaps a few dozen hash browns. Followed by cereal, yoghurt, a Danish pastry or two, blueberry pancakes and a plate of kedgeree.

Our blood sugar levels restored, Baby sticks her nose into the garden to answer a call of nature before rushing back inside. Baby’s always despised exercise and never walks anywhere.  As I tell passers-by who comment as I push her in her cashmere-lined buggy – or as I call it, ‘The Pooch-Mobile’ – “My dog has legs, but she doesn’t like to use them”.

If it’s a day off and I don’t have a personal appearance or a meeting with my agent Belinda to discuss the mountain of job offers she’s fielding for me, I’ll head to Highgate Village in full make-up and mock mink. As a celebrity, I feel I owe it to my public to look good, whether I’m walking the red carpet or just having a simple lunch in the local bistro. Baby-Girl’s the same, she has a wardrobe of designer clothes to rival mine, and is passionate about leopard! The cover of my Reality Rehab memoirs shows her posing in shades against a background of funky pink animal print, like a peroxide blonde rock chick. She’s the double of Debbie Harry circa 1978!

Baby-Girl and I eat at the Village Bistro most days and the staff are wonderful, welcoming us like family and turning a blind eye if Baby should accidentally wet her chair or bite an elderly diner.  Don’t get me wrong, Baby’s not vicious, not in the slightest. But she can be feisty if surprised and has a chronic beard phobia (as Jeremy Corbyn knows to his cost).

After a light lunch of a Caesar salad for me, with coleslaw, garlic bread, beer-battered onion rings and a side of fish and chips, (the fur-baby has her favourite bangers and mash with lashings of gravy), we head home. And I must say the Pooch-Mobile is little harder to manoeuvre after Baby’s dined out!

I’ll spend the afternoon catching up on correspondence or browsing the Daily Post online newspaper, to see which celebrities they’re crucifying today. I was recently papped putting my rubbish out looking less than svelte, and the tabloids cruelly accused me of blowing up like a six man dinghy!

Apparently we women are supposed to resemble half-starved teenage boys nowadays. Perish the thought!  Men like curves and they love to see some jiggle in a girl’s walk away. And if the entire building jiggles with her, she’ll certainly turn a few heads!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must dash off and prepare dinner, it’s our biggest meal of the day. Ciao!

Want to read more? You can grab your copy now, and find out how Gloria actually gets on and what happens. It’s a funny but also slightly thought provoking book, given how much reality tv we consume these days and how we view celebrities and those in the public eye…

Reality Rehab is available on Amazon. Perfect if you need something to read on holiday or like me, hiding in the bathroom, with a glass of wine, when the husband comes home from work, and I can run away for 15 minutes to grab some me time, before they all come and find me… 😉

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