What the cat’s want for Christmas…

So the humans are getting excited about something called Christmas. We have no idea what it means, but it seems to involve people coming to the house, a tree, sometimes a real one, sometimes a plastic one, appearing in the living room, covered in lights, and sparkly things, which we are not allowed to attack or try to climb either way, so it’s a bit pointless, really and the humans go a bit mad and buy each other presents and make a mess, eat lots of food that makes them grumpy with indigestion and that they refuse to share with us, and they get us catnip toys. None of it makes much sense, but it all seems to (mostly) make the humans happy, so we go with the flow and let them enjoy themselves, even if they do look stupid in silly hats and Christmas jumpers. 

So, we decided to write a letter sharing what we would REALLY want for this thing called Christmas…

  

We would like a break from cat food, and some human food for a treat. Layla would like a tin of tuna, and a bowl of cream, and a few small tastes of chocolate cake. Jasper would like to be able to eat anything he wants, for a whole day, because he knows that the humans have a stash of the special indigestion pills the vet prescribed him after his last dustbin diving induced stomach upset. 

Unfettered access to the fish tank (Layla) and the hamster cage (Jasper) and not to be told off, or sent outside in disgrace. We are hunters, after all, and we want to act on our instinct. 

Hot water bottles in the human beds, but not for the humans. We cats need to be kept warm and cosy, you know…?

For the small, noisy humans to never bring friends round to play. We just about tolerate the ones that live in this house, and then the adult humans take it upon themselves to invite more of them round, and the shrieks of “kitty” and being chased by dribbling, wobbly small humans who want to pull our tails is just too much for us to cope with. We don’t like it, it needs to stop.

If you are going to buy us kitty treats, please don’t get catnip advent calendars. Neither of us like catnip. If you could get ham flavoured treats for Jasper, and cheese flavoured ones for Layla, that would be lovely.

All leftover Christmas dinner can be passed our way, except that horrible stuff you call “Christmas pudding” and definitely not the sprouts. Jasper’s digestive system is gaseously challenged at the best of times, sprouts would finish everyone off…

Oh, and if Santa could leave Layla a toy mouse and Jasper a toy hamster, to chase when you won’t let us at the real thing, that would be lovely too…

Love from Layla & Jasper x Miaow! 

ANIMALTALES

6 comments on “What the cat’s want for Christmas…
  1. Great list for Santa! A little bit of ham is always appreciated around here but not too much mind because it’s so salty. I little dram of lactose free milk too. A new minky rug and lots and lots of pats pawese.
    Stella Lee @Purfylle recently posted…Two Uses Tuesday 59

  2. Mrs Tubbs says:

    Great list! I think our local cat would like to play “hunt the gerbil” around our house. No chance!

  3. Charlotte says:

    They don’t want much then :p We try not to let our kitties have the food but they always meow nicely and have cute faces so they end up stuffed too – it is Christmas after all! #AnimalTales
    Charlotte recently posted…10 Ways To Avoid Being A Grown Up

  4. Ersatz Expat says:

    That is a great list – our little cat would add porridge, bread (and anything from a human plate)

  5. Oh Happy Christmas Jasper and Layla and I do hope you get your Festive wishes LOL. (Sadly I fear you may be disappointed though!). If Henry were writing his list I suspect he’d ask for winter to finish as he hates the cold and wet! Firkin would just like MORE cuddles and to be allowed in the house at all the times he chooses. Fumée might like to be more brave around humans …. she wants to be stroked until the last second and then dashes off. And Foggy, who knows? He is currently on one of his jaunts although I did see him near our neighbour 2 days ago. Will he be home for Christmas? Doubt it unless the weather turns really bad!

    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a fabulous 2016 and thanks for joining in again with #AnimalTales
    Rosie @Eco-Gites of Lenault recently posted…I’m glad we don’t live in … Sunday 13th December 2015

  6. chickenruby says:

    lol i remember the one and only time my mum gave the left over food to our dog, including the sprouts, hard lesson learnt, he stank us out on christmas day. Our cat and dog aren’t fussed by the tree, in fact neither of them have looked at it, we have bought them salmon and beef for christmas lunch and a few toys are under the tree, gifts from nanna and our adult children and they both got xmas cards….I will say our youngest child is 16 so they are doing it for my benefit not theirs. I will be spraying the cats gifts with catnip prior to the gift opening

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